Irecently had a discussion with a female friend about our emotions, and when to let it out as a Christian woman, versus when to keep them in. We all know that making judgement based on our emotions can cloud our ability to make mature decisions based on the Word of God.

One evening a few months ago, I sat on a northern line tube, on my way home with my mum, who sat opposite me. I was quite tired after a long day out and I was starting to go into a mini ‘I’m awake but in lala land’ type of place, with my eyes opening and closing at intervals to check on my mum, who seemed so alert. The next thing, I noticed was my mum desperately trying to get my attention, while subtly pointing to the woman that sat beside me. I turned to this woman, who was crying uncontrollably. There was a young man who sat beside my mum; he was trying to calm the woman down, from his seat. He uttered words like: “It’s okay”, and “don’t worry.” Along with a smile, and he even tried to hold her hand a few times. My mum repeatedly asked him: “Why don’t you hug her, hug her.” Suggesting he was the cause of the problem.

Till we realized he was also a complete stranger and a foreigner, whose English was minimal. He soon stood to get off at the next stop, but before he left, he shook her hand and smiled warmly. Her tears seemed to fall increasingly, as I hugged her, and prayed for her. I didn’t expect her to explain what the problem was because I was another complete stranger. Instead I wanted her to let it all out, and cry as much as she needed to while I held her. To cut what seemed like a long story short, she cried throughout our journey to the same stop.

The more I hugged her, the more I could no longer let go of her. She seemed to cry even more. Then she started to speak, saying a lot had happened in the last few months, and so on, and so on, and so on. We eventually got off the tube, I wanted to ask for her number, but she seemed to disappear after she said: “Thank you.”

Back to my initial discussion with my friend, whose argument was that as women we are emotional beings. She asked: “Are we not supposed to express our emotions when we need to? I can’t say emotions are a negative thing because even Jesus demonstrated his emotions - love, compassion and forgiveness. So evidently the expression of emotion in a believer’s life is an important part of Christian maturity. The difference is that the emotions of Jesus were always positive.

I believe that if something is heavy on your mind you should share it with the right person, at the right time, however how we deal with negative emotions is based on our maturity as a Christian. The key is to learn to express emotions appropriately and without sin. There are positive emotions and there are negative emotions. For example emotions of anger, sorrow, loneliness, grief, frustration, rejection, discouragement, hurt and pain are all negative emotions. Jesus experienced every emotion on the map, and yet He never demonstrated erratic, or overemotional behaviour.

I think it is important, especially as a single woman, to cultivate the habit of controlling our emotions. In other words no one should ever cause us to react in a tasteless manner, and no one should be able to play around with our emotions.

Pastor Erica often uses the term: “Reigning in your emotions.” It doesn’t mean tolerate the wrong things, it means you should never get to the place where you lose control of your actions. I also don’t believe you always have to express yourself. Sometimes it’s okay to stay silent. Also, crying doesn’t mean you’ve lost control, but lashing out in anger and rage does. It is for us women not to hold our emotions on our shoulders or our foreheads. Another thing is that it is not every man that comes into your live that is supposed to be the one. All you are looking for is one man. As Pastor Douglas once said in the relationship series he preached with Pastor Erica: “If a man asks you out for coffee, it is just coffee.” Emotions that seem to fluctuate based on negative feelings and mood swings are wrong, it will cause you to read too deeply into simple situations, and over react. Yesterday you deleted him from Facebook and Black Berry Messenger because he didn’t call, today you added him again, then tomorrow you will delete him. As a single woman of God who has a personal relationship with Him, there should never come a time when you are pursuing any man or desperately seeking his attention based on your emotions. We should be known for being different. Our focus should be on the most high God, Psalm 91. If I am dwelling in the secret place of the most high God, It shouldn’t be a bother whether, or not he calls back.

As we begin a new year, and we celebrate with the newly engaged. Let us show more positive emotion and avoid negative emotions. It’s okay to cry if you need to, but dry your tears soon after and move forward, pursue peace, seek God and meditate on his Word daily, and when the right man comes along you will surely know. Enjoy your singleness, travel more often, and make new friends, love yourself and your neighbours, and realize your self-worth, raise your value, and please, please stay away from over emotional reactions.