Sitting across the counter was the beautiful blonde blue eyed lady waiting to be served her afternoon tea at Selfridges. As she raised the tea cup to the collar level of her cream suit, there resting on her wedding finger a flawless diamond ring. The striking rock caught my attention and caused the start of what would be our conversation.
Her beaming smile and radiant look gave the impression that she had just tied the knot and was engulfed with a joyous peace that she could not contain. It was almost impossible to pin her countenance to the Christmas spirit that rolled across the shop floor, this was December 2004. With this in mind, I summed up the courage to ask her a question; after all, she looked my age. Newly married? I asked; she responded with a soft voice and a smile on her face “If you call 21 years new then yes I am’’. She cannot be serious. I was just 21 and she looked my age yet she claimed to have been married since I was born. The conversation could not stop there. I wanted to know the secret of how she had sustained her marriage. The people I knew who had been married up to 20 years did not look this good in their countenance and I presumed it was partly due to the stress of marriage.
75.25 she said. What does this mean? I asked like a curious child on a quest to discovery. If 75% of you get on with someone, the other 25% can be worked on. She met her husband at an event, he asked her out on a date and by the third date; he came back with a ring asking for her hand in marriage. 21years later, they were still together and loving being married.
Loving the idea of love and looking forward to being found by that special someone were dreams I had, but with all the failed marriages around me, it was hard to find hope. Can we truly have the liberty to Live, Love and Laugh?
In my desperation, I cut out and kept articles to give me hope and read books of people building hope. Articles like "Britain's longest married couple" Frank and Anita Milford who met at a YMCA dance in Plymouth, Devon, in 1926. They married two years later and spent their entire married life in Plymouth. The secret to their successful marriage when asked was "give and take" and making up after rows with a kiss and cuddle - www.telegraph.co.uk
Or Taiwanese couple, Liu Yung-yang, 103, and his wife Yang Wan, 102, who were certified by the Guinness Book of Records as the worlds longest, married couple in 2002. They had been married for 85 years and this was their story. What will yours be?
What made generations before us remain with the one they had chosen to walk up the aisle with? As I walked through the park one Saturday and watched the morning sun shine with my beloved by my side, we talked about ways to build a solid foundation in our new marriage. To leave a legacy for future generations just the way past generations like Anita and Frank are doing for us. He remembered from his childhood the monthly gatherings his parents had with other married couples called “Marriage Encounter” and he believed this helped to build a foundation and strength in his parents’ marriage of over 40years.
During these “Marriage Encounters” the word of God was shared and ideas, discussions about life, marriage, family and purpose.
Hence the idea of a v2v marriage encounter group was conceived. The basic aim is to build a foundation of friendship for newly married couple especially those married under 7years as seven represents the number of completion. The ultimate aim is to enable couples to discover God’s vision for marriage and family life, thereby leading them to a clearer understanding of their relationship with each other and with God.
Single? Don’t have unrealistic expectations of what marriage should be. Educate yourself, live life, travel if you can, learn about yourself and understand who you really are. After which you can then ask yourself why the opposite sex should be interested in you? What have you got to offer? Don’t sell yourself short as God can give you the desires of your heart ACCORDING TO HIS WILL –psalm 37:5 There is no perfect spouse but there is one who can be perfectly yours. Favour is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. If you desire marriage, prepare yourself but don’t stop living.
Dating? The foundation you put in your marriage will determine where you go. Train up a man or woman the way you want him to continue and when he is yours, he will not depart from it. On that note, it is better to remain Single and Satisfied than Married and Miserable. That was my slogan. If you hold the partner in your life with a loose hand before God, you will permit God to do a work in their heart. I believe God worked in the hearts of Aye and I at different stages of our life. I love him dearly, but he will not compare to my first love, Jesus Christ, that made me whole and taught me how I should be loved.
Married? What legacy do we want to leave for future generations? After 34years of my parents being married, my mum still says she is discovering my father. Marriage I hear is what we make of it. We cannot change who we are with but we can influence them in a positive way. We can change how we adapt to what is around us. In marriage we should put God first, our spouse second and ourselves last. There is no victor and no vanquish in a broken marriage only hurt.
As young couples, it is inevitable that we may sometimes face the challenges of settling in each other’s shoes. However our generation have to try and keep the union that some of our parents did rather than look for ways to run out. Hopefully the presence and challenges of other couples will motivate and even strengthen us to make things work . If you would like to know more about Marriage Encounters, please send an email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
Remember this is supposed to be fun and light hearted NOT burdensome and out of obligation hence feel free to get on board only IF you are interested. Ideas and tips on how we can make this fun and productive are welcome.
by Aye & Glopet Iziduh