Are men the only ones who wrestle with sexual temptation and lust? I think not. Women today deal with the same issues. With the promotion of sex in advertisement and music young people are having a real issue with lust that needs to be addressed and clear guidelines drawn on how we should conduct ourselves as Christians.
Galatians 5:16 says, “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” The Bible tells us that our eyes and our ears are the gateway to our souls. What we listen to and what we watch will affect the way we think and feel. Lust and sexual promiscuity is not something that is outside of the church but is very much a problem within the church environment today. Ignoring and not addressing these issues will not make them go away because we live in a society that bombards us with images of sexuality, whether it’s a car being advertised or a music video, the content today is disturbing to say the least.
We have a culture today that is not shocked by the content of what they see in magazines, movies, TV or billboards, why? Because they have grown up with it and think that it is the norm. For those of us who are a little older we can remember when an X rating was given to movies that were filled with sex, violence and profanity today if you go to see a “12” rated movie you can expect that there will be at least one sexual scene and one swear word used. Not that many Years ago you could relax knowing that a 12 rated movie was free from profanity and sex. Over the years the movie industry has been pushing the boundaries, gradually bringing in these compromises.
The problems that we are experiencing today with lust and sexual temptation is because we have a culture of young people who have grown up with scenes of lust, fornication, promiscuity and sex pushed in their faces and therefore don’t see it as a problem. The Bible clearly speaks about sex and its place in our lives which is limited to the confines of marriage. The marriage bed is undefiled. “Hebrews 13:4” The Bible also says in Matthew 5:28 “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
This is true to both men and women because it’s not just men that look and lust, women today look at men to lust after them. The Bible condemns the very thought of lusting in our minds because if we are thinking those thoughts it’s just a matter of time before we will commit the act. We have to set a guard over our hearts because out of the heart flows the issues of life; what we think about, look at and meditate on will go down into our hearts and defile us. Reading romantic novels and love stories are going to fuel lust even though it may appear innocent and harmless at the time but we are actually feeding a fantasy in our minds that will manifest in our feelings and emotions...
Surfing in chat rooms or flirting over the internet may seem like innocent activities but can lead to cheating or sexual compromise. So where do we draw the line between sexual integrity and compromise? What constitutes marital unfaithfulness? Can we consider ourselves “pure” as long as we've not been physical with a man or in the case of married women with another man?
Christians often assume that until they actually engage in intercourse with another person, they're acting with sexual integrity. But our sexuality isn't just what we do, but rather who we are. God created us with not just a body, but also with a mind, heart and spirit therefore we must guard against all forms of sexual compromise. If the scripture tells us that looking at someone to lust after them is as good as committing the act of sex, then sexual foreplay and petting has to be regarded as having sex even if you haven’t gone the “whole way”.
Sexual purity has to be our goal. We have to understand that sexual integrity is a battle that every person must fight for and win. We have to understand our value and self-worth and carry ourselves in such a way that we don’t cheapen who we are and undermine our sexual integrity. Mental fantasies – Women especially have a tendency to fantasize, that’s why romance novels and romantic movies are so popular with women.
We can reel off a string of romantic novels or movies that we love, right? But it’s important that we keep a right perspective on such things and live in the real world rather than on fantasy.
To safeguard your mind you must be aware that looking at inappropriate images whether through movies, romance novels or music videos will cause your defences to become weakened and you will eventually act out those thoughts. You must avoid these fantasies by limiting their access to your mind. 1 Peter 1:13a says, “Therefore gird up the loins of your mind”: put a guard over your mind by being watchful over what you allow into it.
If you impregnate your mind with God’s Word then your thoughts will be in line with His Word but if you allow your mind to be impregnated by negative and lustful images then you will filled with such thoughts, which in turn will produce lust in your heart...
Emotional affairs – Some people protect their bodies from sexual sin, but allow their hearts to stray. This can happen if a person is not getting the love and affirmation that they need in their marriage. Even if the relationship never becomes sexual, one must be careful to guard their heart from being drawn into an emotional affair.
If you find yourself inappropriately attracted to another, you need to avoid being alone with the person (even in a public place) and refrain from conversations that fuel the relationship. If you wouldn't want others to know about the relationship that you are carrying on via e-mails, text and telephone conversations then you already know that it’s wrong.
Protect yourself by being accountable to a friend that will speak the truth to you, and give them permission to ask you questions that will keep you from falling into an emotional affair.
Pornography - Men are not the only ones tempted to look at pornography. Looking at pornography pulls our minds away from God's plan for sexual purity and these images will replay on your mind bringing forth seeds of lust. As shocking as it may seem there are women who indulge in cyber sex (or cyber foreplay) in chat rooms with strangers. Although it may feel exciting to be intimate with a stranger, such intimacy is just a cheap substitute for the real thing. An unmarried woman demonstrates her love for God by focusing her thoughts on Him and on those things He has prepared for her to do that are pleasing to Him. Cyber relationships of a sexual nature fuel unhealthy appetites and foster a sense of guilt that will inhibit intimacy with the Lord.
Garbage rots and when we put garbage in our minds, we can expect it to rot and create a stench that infects our lives. Pornography and romance novels have the same effect because they stir up cravings for illicit sexual encounters. As a single person, you can’t afford to indulge in any kind of sexually suggestive entertainment because it will only cause your struggle with temptation to be intensified.
Masturbation – What a crazy world we live in today. I discovered that they are teaching children as young as five or six about sex and masturbation. They go as far as to state that masturbation is healthy and good. Let’s go back to what the scriptures says; the Bible tells us to look at a person to lust after them means that we have already committed the act. When a person masturbates they usually have an image of a person in their minds when they masturbate.
Masturbation is wrong on every level whether it’s done by a married or single person. It is sex of a self-gratifying nature and many men and women remain addicted to masturbation even after marriage. You are training your body to find pleasure in itself, and masturbation will enslave you. Let's be honest with ourselves, when a person masturbates, they are not thinking pure thoughts, and the Bible is very clear about that issue (see Phil. 4:8).
Using sex to manipulate – This is an area that a lot of married women have at sometime or other engaged in. Using sex as a reward for good behaviour or withholding sex as punishment when we are upset or don’t get our way. Ladies, this makes a mockery of God's design for sexual intimacy because marriage is about ministering to our husbands needs, not manipulating him.If you use sex as a bargaining tool, make a decision to repent of it and stop.
God never intended for us to have a “sexless” Marriage. The scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:5: “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
If there are issues hindering your natural sexual desires in your marriage then you need to talk to your doctor or get professional counselling. Don’t just ignore it, get help!
While we are on the issue of using sex to manipulate we must deal with sexual flirtation. Some women are so hungry for affirmation that they will jeopardize their integrity in order to get some kind of cheap compliment or attention. Our communication borders on flirtation we are using our sexuality to manipulate and feed our need for affirmation. Stay away from conversations that are intimate because over time they will cause you to compromise.
Sexual Integrity - When a woman learns to guard her mind, heart, spirit and body from sexual compromise, she is then free to discover the joy of connecting physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually with her husband.
If you are single, allow yourself to be courted by your Creator. Focus your energies on Him. The same God, whose words formed the entire universe, longs to whisper into your hungry heart, words that have the power to thrill you, heal you and draw you into the deepest love relationship of your life.
I encourage you to draw boundaries against sexual and emotional compromise. Be honest with yourself about any hidden motives you may have and, above all, pursue a love relationship with Jesus Christ. Once you experience a love so pure and so passionate, your heart will be strengthened in a way that you never imagined possible.
Take the time to renew your mind with the Word of God so you can view sin in the right way recognising that your old life has gone and you have a new life in Christ. The new you should understand that you are dead to sin. When something is dead it doesn’t have a response, so when temptation comes or the devil reminds you of what you used to do, you have to say that old nature is dead and remind him and yourself that you are now crucified with Christ and every lustful thought is nailed to the cross of Calvary.
We guard our minds, bodies, hearts and spirits from sexual compromise by taking the Word of God and meditating and pondering on it until it impregnates our mind, body and soul and becomes a part of us and who we are.
"We guard our minds, bodies, hearts and spirits from sexual compromise by taking the Word of God and meditating and pondering on it until it impregnates our mind, body and soul and becomes a part of us and who we are."